Wichita Collegiate Commencement Address

Class of 2018 high school graduation speech from May 27, 2018

Below is the commencement address I gave for my alma mater, Wichita Collegiate School. I traveled back to Wichita with the family to show them where I grew up and return to the wonderful city and school where I spent my childhood. Special thanks to Tom Davis (Headmaster), Chris Ashbrook (Head of Upper School), and Shari Male (Board Chair) for the wonderful opportunity and the warm welcome, great event, and walk down memory lane.

Thank you, Tom, for the wonderful introduction. Though I live in California, when I return to Collegiate, I’m filled with pride seeing how the school thrived over the decades. Collegiate was an adolescent when I was here. Under your guidance, she has grown into a wonderful young adult. Thank you for leading this wonderful institution. And for your graceful transition in the coming year. You should be proud. We are certainly proud of you and your efforts.

Graduates. Congratulations. 2,340. That’s how many days it took for you to graduate. Perhaps you think of it as 12 years plus those few years where you learned not to eat paste. For others of you, it was 1,123,200 minutes. Regardless, you got to the end. Spike the football, you reached the endzone. Today we’re here to celebrate you.

But you couldn’t get here without “the others”. In fact, we cannot achieve much alone. I learned this first from Coach Hawley and Coach Fiegel. “There is no I in TEAM”, we’re told. The lesson applies to how you got here. And it won’t change as you graduate and take on new challenges. You’ll need the others more than ever.

Who are these others? Those who enabled you? Let’s start with your parents. Those who raise us rarely hear thank you, but without them, you would not be sitting here in those dearly unflattering gowns. Graduates and all of us in the audience, please stand. Let’s take one moment and thank your family, who raised this wonderful class. Thank you. Your job is done.

The others are your classmates too. Beyond classmates, they are your friends. As an aside, I asked this class to define joy for themselves. And Celia, Esther, Sydni, Joonha, Deion, Lauren, Austin, and Calli all described it the same way. Quality time with friends and family. Meeting someone new. Being in the presence of people they love. And being able to help them.

You accomplished this together and helped each other along the way. Don’t forget to thank one another. Sadly, as life happens, many of you will drift apart. You won’t stay together, but you’ll always share something special. This common ground will keep you connected.

Chapter 1 is now closed on the wonderful book of life. You are still early in this adventure story. The best parts are yet to come but there will be lots of zigs and zags along the way. So here’s my advice to navigate those twists and unlock your full potential.

First, discover your true self

In the mid-14th century, Michelangelo was asked about the challenges in crafting his famous sculpture. He nonchalantly replied “It is easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.”

Think about that for a moment. As you turn to the next chapter, are you building up or are you chipping away? We hustle, we change, we grow, we fail, we succeed. Each of these should serve to uncover your true self.

You have made few big decisions until now. But many are coming and they will empower you. Or they will hold you back. And you won’t know until they play out. I don’t mean “should I study tonight or party?”. I mean “do I strike out on my own or stay along the beaten path?”. “Do I admit that I am unhappy or admit I’m afraid to those who don’t suspect?”. “Do I stop doing what’s good, in exchange for what might be great?”. The answer is yes to all three questions. By asking the question, you are showing your true self. And not following your true self is like adding marble to the statue.

To discover your true self, you’ll need to develop a strong sense of self-awareness. This self awareness is like GPS on your mobile phone. Without it, your phone does a lot of great things. But when you have it, you can find your way so much more easily.

Ensure you are always in the right environment. If you feel supported and are able to speak your mind and make mistakes, you are free. You will chip away madly at your beautiful center. But if you feel unsafe, you will cease progress. Unsafe environments aren’t like a warzone. It’s a group of friends who don’t accept you. A team that forces you to pound the table to make a point, when you simply want to share what’s on your mind. It’s a school where you have to party to fit in, when you just want to study. These examples, and hundreds more like them, force people to act against their true self. Don’t allow for this. Require a safe environment that allows you to be who you are meant to be.

You are never more attractive than when you are your true self. Inside and out, it’s the energy that makes you grow quickly and find joy. When you find things you love, ensure you just find the time to pursue them. Doesn’t matter if you are busy, you’ll find a way to make it work. Because if it brings joy, it’ll give you more energy to pursue your other endeavors.

Remember To Kill a Mockingbird. My favorite quote from all of my Collegiate days was what Miss Maudie said to Scout. “Atticus Finch is the same in his house as he is on the public streets.” Harper Lee knew that authenticity is the path to joy and power. Atticus found his true self, his David, and I hope you do too.

Next, build your soft skills

To be our true, authentic self, we need more than the right environment. We’ll need a full arsenal of skills. I’m fortunate to know some of the best and brightest technology leaders in the world. Some of these leaders are at the top of their game today, others will get there soon and will change the world in wonderful and powerful ways. As I’ve coached and learned from them, they share several key ingredients found in these graduates. Intelligence, hard work, and creativity. These hard skills are also the foundation of a Collegiate education. And the foundation for great leadership.

Those leaders, much like you and your classmates, are smart, ambitious, and have the hard skills to drive life and career. But over the next 10 to 15 years, some of you will end up reaching your full potential while others might stagnate. Why?

It’s your soft skills. It’s not the knowledge we have, it’s how we choose to use it. It’s the art of listening and learning. How we build lasting relationships. How we influence others and how we change ourselves. And it’s how we remain true to who we are. So though you are on your way to conquering Math, Science, English and the Arts, ensure you conquer these as well.

The art of listening

“We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” Diogenes

In your journey to discover and shape your true self, ensure you learn to listen. Listening to others means taking the time to truly hear the other person. Not patiently waiting a turn to speak. Seek to deeply understand another person’s point of view. What are they trying to communicate? When their words fail them, do you ask “Is this what you are trying to say?” When you take the time to hear another, they will take the time to hear you.

Why does this matter? Because to shape yourself, you’ll need listening to truly understand who you are and who you are meant to be. And you’ll want to influence others and help them see your way. You don’t have all of the answers. Neither do others. But together, you can find your way.

Find your tribe

We cannot discover who we are without the others. For me, I do what I do and am who I am due to my wife. She makes me the person I want to be. When you find that someone in your life, it’s called a force multiplier. It makes you 10 times greater. Your family can be a force multiplier. So can your friends. Or your colleagues or your community.

According to motivational speaker Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. So choose wisely. Surround yourself with the people that represent the person you most want to be. Recognize you will be changing, and in fact, must do so to reach true potential. So examine the people in your posse. Are they true friends? Those who listen and care for you? Put your needs ahead of theirs? Will they tell you the truth, make you better, and can you make them better?

Your time will increasingly become your greatest asset. Constantly examine how you spend it and who you spend it with. My hope is that you have lifelong friends today. And every year you add to them. Add people who challenge you and are different. We don’t grow by staying the same, we grow when we learn from others who expand our thinking and extend our true self. This investment will create that special tribe of five to 10 people who represent an optimistic future.

Change should be a constant in your life

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

These words were made famous by the Think Different ad from Apple 20 years ago, before you were born. It signaled the rebirth of one of the greatest companies in our era. When I was five years old, my father bought me an Apple II computer and within a year of playing with this shiny new toy, I knew I wanted to devote my life to using computers to make magic. Then Apple fell on tough times and when this ad campaign was constructed, nearly half of the world thought Apple was roadkill. But Apple chose to reinvent itself. By telling all of us that change requires guts, grit and a bit of crazy.

But consider what Tolstoy writes. “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself (or herself).” This takes real courage, yet we can and should do this. Never become “set in your ways”. When you stop being open to change, you put yourself in a prison of your own making. It’s deeply unattractive to be so-called baked. You are not a cake or a chicken. There is not a day when you are raw and another when you are cooked. The day you are done is the day you are stuck and no longer growing.

Your goal is not just to find your true self but to change and shape it. When I think back to my days at Collegiate, it was a big deal to have a computer in a classroom. Now the school gives one to every student. Your generation is the first generation to have lived with the internet in your daily lives. My generation built it, and some argue the generation in between was spoiled by it. Think about how different school would be without the internet. And then realize that in the next twenty, thirty, forty years similar staggering changes await. Thus if you don’t change, if you don’t adapt, you will be lose your ability to fully engage with our evolving world.

It’s the journey, not the destination

I have had the distinct pleasure (and pain) of founding three separate companies, each very different from one another. When I tell the story now, just as I did with having an Apple computer as a child, it all sounds like things were clear from the beginning. Each experience built on one another and that’s how I succeeded. We see the tip of Everest and start climbing.

In reality, life doesn’t really go according to plan. I was a straight A student and thought I was smarter than the bunch, until my first quarter of college, when it was clear my days of A’s were over. I knew I was going to be a company founder and worked hard to start my first. Which shut down three years later, burning $13M in venture capital. With nothing to show for it. I thought I was destined to be a CEO and when I became one, saw nice success — until the day I was unceremoniously fired by my best friend.

Any plan looks good in the rearview mirror, but in reality it takes hundreds of turns, and often ended me up in a ditch. Mike Tyson said it best: “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” This is a critical lesson, especially in the world of social media. We celebrate success yet don’t share the journey and all the misses it took to get there. Success doesn’t travel a straight line. It’s more like a drunken walk. (You don’t know about drinking yet, but you will.)

When you fail and your plans go awry, remember this tip. You are doing it right when you hit your setbacks. When you recover, you have learned, you have changed, you have built that extra armor to protect you from the next bump. And be proud of yourself for showing grit and determination.

Graduation was your Everest peak, and now you are on top. But now many of you will leave home and leave the life you know. These next few mountains are increasingly hazy. Which is scary. This is a time filled with hope, fear and a sense of accomplishment all rolled into one. Embrace it. It’ll help uncover and develop that truly wonderful self.

Play the long game and invest in yourself

It gives me great joy to give back to others. I’m not alone here. “Joy is giving some else the smile,” says graduate Paige Lamkins. Laura May said “What brings me joy is caring and being open and loving to others!”. Teaching and giving are enduring forms of delight. No matter if you are 18 or 80, you’ll never fail to smile and accomplish, when you help others. Wichita taught me that. We invest in others, we care for each other, and we understand that sharing what we have is being a midwestern and being an American.

As such, I coach many young professionals. They are smart, ambitious, capable, and impatient. Nearly all who have great potential can’t wait to harness their power. They push to get the best out of everything every moment. The most interesting classes. The best relationships. The highest paying job. The ultimate car. But short term optimizations betray the long term.

How much of your full potential will you have unlocked by the age of 40? Asked another way, how much our your total net worth will you have? Most people assume it’s about half. Makes sense. You’ll retire in your 60s, you are nearing 20 now. So 40 is about halfway, right?

Turns out the number is 5%. Five percent. Ask your parents and their friends and you’ll start seeing a pattern. It’s not a line, it’s more of a J-curve. I call your 40s your power years. It’s the years when you have those hard skills we spoke about. You know how things work and people expect you to know the answers and multiply others. You are settled personally. Yet you still have a ton of gas in the tank. 40 sounds old to you now, but it’s going to feel young when you get there.

So during those years, you’ll reach your full potential. So if you work backwards, your next 20 years should be devoted to making those future years amazing. So in your next few years, don’t worry about finding the perfect roommate, ideal major, or the path to the most money. Experiment, learn, and understand who you are. Find what brings you joy. What brings you sorrow. Identify your strengths. And enjoy the bumpy ride.

In the upcoming years, ask “could this unlock something in me?”. “Will this make me better in the future, or just make sense today?”. Choose the bigger challenge. The greater learning opportunity. Be with the person who sees you greater that the person you are today. Do not settle. You are worth the investment, just act that way.

In closing, I want to thank you for the privilege of speaking today. 28 years ago when I sat in those seats I never imagined I would return to impart any words of wisdom. You never know where life will take you and I’m deeply honored by the faculty, staff, students and all of you in the audience for welcoming me home and reminding me why I loved living here, going to school here and being part of this wonderful community.

Please find your true self. Chip away at the layers that surround it by expertly listening. Surround yourself with great people and a great environment. Remember the others — you don’t drive through life on a motorcycle, it’s more of a minivan. Avoid optimizing for the short term, invest in yourself and the long term. Change, even devastating change, is what creates growth and opportunity. Embrace it and don’t be afraid of it.

As graduate Grant Deiter perfectly said, joy is “Living life to the fullest”. So enjoy the journey, embrace the changes needed along the way, and the adventure that is soon to come. The good parts await you as you turn to the next chapter. I can’t wait to read how it turns out.

Congratulations.

Special thanks to Poulomi Damany, Kate Cushing, and Tara Syed for reviewing my draft and the wonderful edits.